2201, 2016

The One With The Trip to Urgent Care.

By |January 22nd, 2016|Uncategorized|0 Comments

It happened.  After months of telling M that, “we don’t force our fingers into tiny holes to see if they fit,” she forced a tiny finger into an even tinier hole. And it got stuck.

Mackenzie approaches life with a blasé scepticism about any warning or concern I express.  For months, I’ve been telling her “no, we don’t know what’s in that hole. We don’t force our fingers into random drywall holes at department stores.”  Or, “no, we don’t build ourselves steps to get onto the kitchen island so we can dance on a stage.”  None of the alarm that I show has any effect.  I’ve taken to expressing the consequences of these actions in pretty graphic and brutal terms because it’s the only way I get any compliance.  “No, we don’t dance on the kitchen island. If you fell down, your head would crack open like a little egg and […]

2101, 2016

Target Is My Self Care

By |January 21st, 2016|Girl Gab, MOMents, Musings|0 Comments

Friendship … is born at the moment when one man says to another “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .
CS Lewis

Until this point, I credit two things with my suburban survival: self care and Target.  Two weeks ago, the two collided beautifully as I got my hair done and bantered with my new stylist.  After opening up to each other about breastfeeding struggles, how we trick our toddlers into eating, and the loss of identity when you’re “just a mom” for the first time, she bashfully posed a question to me.

“Do you ever, like, just go to Target. At night. After the kids are asleep.  And just sort of walk around?”

“Oh man, I thought I was the only one!” I said, mentally noting that this woman was a strong candidate for BFF status.

I didn’t give this exchange much thought until last Thursday when I […]

2001, 2016

The Show Must Go On!

By |January 20th, 2016|Family, Little Ass-Kicker, MOMents|3 Comments

Every day, Mackenzie drops an unexpected new word. Or two. I am quickly approaching the point where I can no longer use my “driving words” – those lovely little four-letter words that express the deep seated rage you can only feel when some yahoo cuts you off and slows freeway traffic to 45.   The kid can hear a word once, and two weeks later repeat it perfectly, almost as though she’s been practicing it inside her head and waiting for the perfect time to finally speak it in a tiny toddler squeak.  (So I’m probably already screwed. )

It’s unclear where she learns most of her words and phrases.  Tonight, in an attempt to get out of her pyjamas and escape bedtime, she told her dad, “I need a new diaper! I’m soaking! I peed everywhere!”  Home girl was bone dry. But “I’m soaking” was definitely a new one.  This […]

1401, 2016

Reasons My Toddler Cried Today

By |January 14th, 2016|Family, Life, Little Ass-Kicker, MOMents|1 Comment

I said no to McDonalds pancakes for breakfast.
The bacon at home isn’t cold enough.
She is not allowed to open new boxes of pasta to test that gravity still works.
She cut her toe.
She didn’t want a bandaid on the aforementioned injury.
She only had one Mickey Mouse Bandaid.
She only had two Mickey Mouse Bandaids.
She only had three Mickey Mouse Bandaids.
She pulled off all three Bandaids.
The Bandaids won’t restick.
She didn’t want a new Bandaid; she wanted the old Bandaids.
It’s wet in the shower.
Drying off is apparently painful.
Lunch isn’t a hotdog.
Getting in the car will make her nap.
Only two stuffies were allowed to join her for the nap-inducing drive.
She’s falling asleep.

Sometimes I start to lose my patience. It’s easy to feel exasperated when it seems like nothing you do is good enough for a tyrannical toddler.  But the best parenting advice my mother has given me is to parent with empathy.

I, too, have cried over […]

1301, 2016

Privacy, Please

By |January 13th, 2016|Family, Life, Little Ass-Kicker|2 Comments

As we continue to settle into our new normal, my biggest adjustment is my complete lack of privacy.

Before we moved, Andrew almost never left for work before I did.  We could tag-team the morning routine, and I never had to consider what to do with the world’s busiest toddler while I showered.  So two days in, I was confronted with a very serious dilemma for the first time.  With no TV, no place to restrain the aforementioned busy toddler, and double the square footage filled with boxes and hazards – what would I do with Mackenzie? I had no choice: I had to take her in the shower with me.

This awkward situation was made all the better when M ripped off her own diaper, clambered in before I could, and began to dance. “Shake yo bum!” She demanded as she initiated dance party mode.  In six weeks, these morning dance parties have desensitized me […]

1101, 2016

The New Normal

By |January 11th, 2016|Family, Life, Little Ass-Kicker, Musings|0 Comments

We did it.  We packed our life into nondescript Uhaul boxes, shed all the things we no longer need, and we moved.

Our life looked very neat in carefully labeled, uniform brown boxes.  And then came the chaotic work of unpacking. This adventure has been so much more than moving. It was not a case of simply picking up a life, planting it somewhere new, and letting it continue growing. How we do life has changed entirely. Six weeks in, we’re still finding our new normal.

People have asked how we’ve settled. And I suppose we’ve settled alright – in the way that things in your junk drawer settle after you slam it shut, jumbling all the pieces. Settled.  But not organized and neat and orderly. A few stubborn boxes have refused to unpack themselves.  Mackenzie has only recently fallen into any semblance of routine. And I still wander the aisles at most stores trying to find my […]

1108, 2015

A Song I Still Kind Of Hate. And A Truth I’d Like To Ignore.

By |August 11th, 2015|Life, Uncategorized|0 Comments

During my first year of college, I hung out with a guy who put the Rolling Stones on every mix tape. I love the Stones as much as the next girl – probably a tad more, but there was one song that always stuck in my throat: “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.”
No, you can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometime you find
You get what you need
I’d hear the opening of the song – a choral arrangement of child vocal hell – and cringe. Because I was about to get bombarded with a hard truth – one I still struggle to swallow: you can’t always get what you want.

We’re bombarded with this lie that we can do anything we put our minds to.  If we just try hard enough, if we do all the right things […]

1008, 2015

A Little Bit of Nothing

By |August 10th, 2015|Uncategorized|0 Comments

“The odd thing about this form of communication is that you’re more likely to talk about nothing than something. But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings.”
– Kathleen Kelly, You’ve Got Mail

It has been a long time since I last posted. The longer I waited to begin again, the more daunting it seemed. I’ve  felt incredible pressure to write something funny or profound as a  grand return to the blogosphere. And I every time I try, I come up absolutely dry.

Today my mind wandered to You’ve Got Mail and some of my favourite quotes from the film. It reminded me that the power in doing life together is all the little nothings that add up to big somethings.

In our technology-saturated culture, we coexist on the Internet. I can’t remember the last time I called someone just to chat. Goodness […]

2101, 2015

Working From Home Is Easy. And Other Misconceptions.

By |January 21st, 2015|Awkward Moments, Family, Girl Gab, Little Ass-Kicker, MOMents|3 Comments

Last week, I took M to the office on a work-from-home day.  I needed to grab a few things and check in with a couple of coworkers because I had called in sick the previous day. I set-up M at my desk with our tablet, and I remarkably managed to get some work done.

“It must be so easy to work from home,” My coworker said.  She glanced over my shoulder at my silent, angelic child, who sat at my desk watching Yo Gabba Gabba and pretending to type on an unplugged keyboard.

Words cannot express the 5 million visceral, animalistic gut reactions I had to suppress. I’m pretty sure she thought I gagged. There was some full-body spasm that escaped me – I guarantee it. I was lost somewhere between hysterical laughter and the tears of defeat.  Nothing about working from home is easy.  Nothing.  And obviously my coworker was unaware that this […]

501, 2015

Toddler Trouble

By |January 5th, 2015|Family, Little Ass-Kicker, MOMents|0 Comments

Today was one of those days.

Miss M had us up until 2 am. Then I went into a manic frenzy ripping the house apart looking for my fitbit charger, which she had taken and stashed with my makeup.  And I felt like I was just getting to sleep when she decided to wake up and yell, “I know! I know! I know!” At 4 am.

A quick aside about that one… When M was a tiny baby and she was gassy or colicky or unsettled, I’d talk to her and reassure her, “I know! I know! You tell mama all about it!”  Wrong.  Move.  Now, she thinks this is some sort of complaint that can be yelled at the top of her lungs whenever something isn’t perfect.  Like when she has two shoes on, but only wants to wear one.  Or when she tells us she wants to watch the “bees!” on the […]